Disclaimer: I love Wilson. No dogs (Wilson) were harmed before, during, or after the composing of this blog post. I love Wilson.
Wilson is our newest foster from Medical Animals In Need (M.A.I.N). MAIN was contacted about bringing him into the rescue after he was left on the doorstep at the shelter in the middle of the night with two broken legs. That sounds terrible but the person who left him there ensured that he would get the medical attention he needed. Thankfully they had a conscience and deserve credit for helping him. Needless to say, we don’t know anything about Wilson’s life prior to being saved. What we know is that he’s a purebred Old English Sheep dog. He has no manners. He’s big. He’s fluffy. He’s active. He’s a 9 month-old puppy.
This is my first encounter with an OES and I’m in awe of the level of intensity they continuously operate at. I should get a freakin’ cookie for how nicely I just said that. I have quickly learned that OES are working dogs with lots of energy. Let me repeat that: LOTS OF ENERGY. If they don’t have a way to get rid of that, holy-crap-all-consuming energy, they’ll focus on finding a way; any way. If they don’t find something that works for them, they’ll drive their foster mom bat shit crazy. I just had a thought; that happens occasionally. I was going to say something about his casts not slowing him down but what if they actually do slow him down? We’ve only known him with casts. What if he isn’t at full shenanigan level right now? This could get even scarier. Welcome to my life.
Wilson’s antics can be pretty funny. He’s permanently stuck in goofball mode and he’s clumsy as hell. He’s constantly trying to do two or three things at once in fast-forward. For instance, Wilson trots down the hallway while trying to lean against you and grabbing a blanket off the bed all at once. That generally ends in a very sloppy somersault type flop. Think Bambi on the ice. Wilson also accomplishes funny when he does an item exchange. It’s similar to exchanging something at Wal-Mart but the line is much shorter. He goes to the laundry basket and takes clothes. However, he’s considerate and leaves one of his toys as collateral. We’ll find underwear on the floor and a toy in the basket! He recently exchanged his toy for the Aloe Vera under my bathroom sink. He also makes me laugh when he goes from angel to devil right before your eyes. (Side note: This is really only funny when he does it to someone else.) Here’s the best example of this trickery. He comes up and sets his head on your lap. He looks so innocent and is obviously just soliciting some pets from you. He’s completely calm which, I’m not going to lie, is a nice change. Then he gives you the cutest hug by wrapping his leg around yours. He’s got you totally gushing and that means you let your guard down. Bad move. While you’re all, “Wilson, you’re so cute,” “Aww what a good boy,” “I love you too Wilson,” he’s preparing his next move. In the blink of an eye he’s got his legs wrapped around yours and he’s rabbit humping like he’s never done it before and never will again. He’s got every ounce of energy locked in and there’s no stopping him. You begin the “a dog is humping my leg” dance while also yelling, “OMG, No!” He isn’t ashamed. He definitely doesn’t feel bad. He actually seems pleased with himself! The whole scene takes your initial “aww” factor to “WTF” rapidly! It’s not at all pleasant. Well, at least not for the owner of the legs but Wilson seems to enjoy the hell out of it.
Wilson nips. That makes it sound sweet doesn’t it? As if he’s playing nicely, nudging you just a bit while skipping about. Yea, it’s nothing like that. He’s not being vicious but it’s awful. As a large, uncontrollable, lack of manners, high-energy, and not allowed to run yet puppy does, he thinks the nipping is an acceptable way to play. So what happens is that he gets overly assed up (that’s the technical term) and when he sees something moving he bites at whatever it is. He bites feet, ankles, clothing, toys, and basically anything he can get to. I have multiple bruises of different degrees from him. He bit my ass a couple days ago and holy hell did it hurt! For real! Don’t try to picture it. I’m sorry if you already pictured it. The dog has zero shame.
Wilson tries so hard to be a boy while peeing. He smells all over, finds his spot, and lifts his leg. Unfortunately, he only thinks he lifts his leg. He can’t actually do it because he has a serious balance problem. The cast is heavy and due to the awkwardness he ends up peeing on his front legs. For just a bit he looks all tough but as he has pee running down his front legs, you kind of have to wonder if you should take his man card away. Of course, I don’t mention any of this to Wilson. Instead, we both act like his intentions were met and we go back inside. I do avoid eye contact with him though because I’m a bit embarrassed about what actually happened. As for Wilson, he’s proud as can be for being all boy-dog macho and lifting a leg.
Like all dogs, Wilson searches for that special poop spot. However, his spot has to be against a wall. Yup you read that correctly. He has to start pooping with his butt against the wall and it’s not because he loses his balance or anything. It’s just that he’s, well, weird. Let me see if I can give you a visual here. You’re welcome. Wilson walks up and down the yard, next to the wall, until he finds a spot that he deems worthy of his shit. He then assumes the universal dog pooping position of arching his back. Once the poop starts moving, he starts turning. He continues to turn while pooping. He poops in a circle like he’s doing pirouettes. HE PIROUETTE POOPS!
Wilson’s pooping routine is pretty comical right? Unfortunately, the process lost a big slice of humor when it occurred in our hallway. No joke. Then it lost even more “ha-ha” value when it happened on the same day that someone gave him too much peanut butter. You can’t make this stuff up! He actually did his circle pooping down our hallway and into our bedroom. He doesn’t get it on the walls outside but you can bet he got it on the walls and the door frame inside. It ate the paint off the walls. I’m serious. (Yes I actually did take a video prior to cleaning it up.) I felt like it took an hour to clean up. Now we know what an actual “shit storm” looks like.