I recently read about the cost of owning dogs. I know it won’t be a shock to you when I say that I slightly disagree with the numbers. I mean, I don’t know what breed of dog the researcher owned, if the animal was actually living, or if the cost analysis was done in 1902 but, in our house, they are way off!
Here are the amounts from the article:
First year: For a small dog $1320; for a large dog $1850
Second and subsequent years: Small dog is $590; large dog is $885.
We have 5 small dogs (counting fosters) and 1 large dog (Crispie). So based on the second year and forward, our cost for the small kids should total $2,950 or less and $885 for Crispie. Let’s see how close the researcher was on their totals and yes, the amounts I use for us are as accurate as I can get them. I’m just a little scared of what the end number will be but here we go.
|5 Small Dogs||1 Large Dog||All Dogs|
|Zyrtec (NO “D”)||18.80|
|Bark Box (toys/treats)||133.98||387.36|
Swiffer Wet Jet Supplies
Clorox Bleach Cleaner
|Sweaters (Yes, even in AZ)||100.88|
|Vet Bills (The little dog number is for ONE serious incident)||3510.19||1200.00||_______|
Now we need to add in the out of the ordinary random stuff that’s needed here and there:
-Human food. This might seem petty but when it’s a thanksgiving turkey meant to feed parents and kids at the school Thanksgiving Festival that same day, it’s so not petty. Neither is large pork roasts, pork chops, steaks right off the grill, chicken breasts, and many loaves of bread. Keep in mind that I’m not talking about one or two of each item; I’m talking about several! How is this possible? Well, Crispie is a professional counter surfer and apparently Marc and I don’t learn all that quickly.
-Socks and underwear because they eat mine (I won’t include a picture of my socks or my underwear; you’re welcome) and yes, I do shower so it’s not because I smell like them or anything. It doesn’t matter if these things are in the laundry basket, on the bed, or in my drawer, they seek the stuff out. I swear that somehow they can open drawers; lack of opposable thumbs and all.
-Drywall because, yes they sometime eat the walls, lick into the center of the drywall, or the 205 pound Saint Bernard loses his balance and his ass goes through the wall making a huge hole. Truth. I mean not as big as my ass would make but still quite large. When that hole was trimmed out so Marc could fix it, it was about two feet squared!
-Computer mice. So, so many. Again, this is (mostly) Crispie and her ability to extend her reach. Think Inspector Gadget legs. (Here’s the educational segment you’ve been waiting for: Inspector Gadget is the cartoon guy whose arms and legs extend in a robot type fashion so he can reach all things. He also has a hat that has arms which can also reach crazy distances. You’re welcome.) Anyway, I’ve forgotten to put a mouse out of her reach a time or ten and Crispie isn’t one to skip an opportunity. So mouse left out = Damn it! But, there have also been times when I know, without a doubt, that the mouse was at the back of the desk, out of her reach, and sure as hell she grabbed it. She has amazed me for 10 ½ years with this ability of hers. Amazed; not amused!
-Window blinds. They’ve enjoyed both vertical and mini because, well, they aren’t picky. They’ve never eaten curtains though which I find interesting. The curtains sway just like the blinds do. When wanting to look outside they’re in the way too yet no dog has ever eaten curtains in our house. Odd right? I hope they don’t take that last statement as a challenge!
-Blackberry phone. The bright side here? They are much cheaper to replace than iPhones. Do they even make Blackberries anymore? Benson (dog) ate mine back in 2008 and although that was only 10 years ago, in technology time I think that’s like 70 years. (Apparently in my mind, technology ages like dogs do, at a rate of 7 years to1 human year.) Now that I’m thinking about it, I really don’t know the last time I’ve seen a Blackberry. I have a Pixel now. I love it! I just don’t care for the Apple stuff other than my iPad. I’m the only one of the four of us who doesn’t have an iPhone and who doesn’t use an iMac and or a Mac book at work and home. In reality, I could use any brand of tablet because I don’t use my iPad to do a lot of “Apple-y” stuff (yes Apple-y is a word because I used it in a sentence therefore it’s legit. Feel free to start using it as well). I do use iTunes but could use Pandora, I play puzzle games (I’m old and need to keep my brain sharp), read, use some apps, and that’s about it. O.M.G. Talk about getting side tracked! I’m not sure that I’m even able to follow that whole thing but I’m leaving it just to keep things interesting!
-TV Remotes. You guys it’s no joke when I say I honestly can’t guess a number. We ended up buying universal remotes. We could just go to the nearest store and buy one. Sure we could get a free (much better) remote from the cable company but going with the universal remote was much less embarrassing. Hang on, I’ll explain that. You see, when you go to the cable store for a new remote, they ask what happened to the old one. That’s not a bad thing the first time. You laugh a little and explain that the dog ate it. You show the guy the teeth marks, the indented buttons, chunks of missing plastic, and the lack of battery cover on said remote. He too laughs a bit. You talk about it being one of those situations that helped the phrase “Shit Happens” gain its popularity. Another little chuckle and it’s a positive moment for Humanity. However, when it’s the third or fourth remote, we immediately qualify as idiots and now the appropriate phrase is “You can’t fix stupid.” How challenged must we be to not be able to keep the damn remote from the dogs? Let me answer that…extremely. I think we’ve unofficially given up this fight though. I say that because we’re back to using the proper remotes and yes, one has teeth marks and Scotch Tape holding the batteries in. Yes; I’m being serious. Rather than putting the remotes up (which obviously we suck at), we keep them in the TV cabinet now, which Crispie can open! For real. So we lock the doors with a hook Marc made. The thing is we still need to remember to put the damn remotes in the cabinet and then to lock it! I never thought I’d miss the days of getting up to change the channel but here I am.
-Sofa. It’s true. It was brand new. As in maybe two weeks old at most. Yup!
-Carpet. Same dog as the sofa. Did I mention that Marc had just moved in? There wasn’t even furniture in that room yet. I know!
-Excedrin Migraine, bought in bulk at Costco because well, that’s pretty self-explanatory.
-Donations to rescues.
-Donations to the animal shelters.
So, when you add all of this stuff up it equals, roughly, 16 Gajillion dollars! Holy crap people. I mean, we aren’t working with a six-figure income in our house but apparently the dogs (and I) think we are. Also, the article gives a line for a pet sitter. Seriously? A pet sitter? Who the hell can afford a vacation or a pet sitter after all of that? Sandra Bullock (Marc loves her)? Mark Wahlberg (I love him)? Definitely not us!