Slime. A word I never thought would have a regular part in my daily vocabulary! However, if you’ve ever owned one of the “Gentle Giant” dog breeds you totally get what I’m talking about. We had Benson, a St. Bernard who fit into that category. Now we have two English Mastiffs, Jax and Ryder, also members of that club. That should explain why slime is a normal part of many conversations and sometimes even a source of amazement and entertainment in our home. Just in case you’re not familiar with any of this, I’ll share the significant role slime plays in my life and home.
To a lot of people, when you say slime it brings to mind the green goo or “ooze” that kids play with. It’s fun, squishy, and you can let it ooze through your fingers. The slime at my house is nothing like that. You see, when you have big dogs, slime has a whole new meaning. It means at any point in time it could be running down the wall. It’s been flung somewhere. It’s 6 inches long and hanging from a dog’s mouth; sometimes on both sides. Or, it’s on your arm, in your hair, on your clothes or all three places at once. Now I’m certain that some people are saying that’s gross and their gag reflex probably just kicked in. But, it’s really not horrible. You actually get used to it. You expect it and it becomes the norm. Really! You don’t think twice when you see it. I’ve actually said the following words in reference to slime: “Wow! That’s a good one!” OK, so I’m a little embarrassed to admit that but it’s true. At times you even laugh because of the obscure places that slime can be found. It gets to places you’d never imagine; think Beethoven here.
We have learned to keep hand towels within arm’s reach. I just never know when I’m going to hear, “Jax, mom wants you.” That sounds like “Jax you’re in trouble;” but it’s not about that. In our house the actual translation is: Grab the towel because we’ve got a slime situation going on. Now you need to know that any slime situation brings the possibility of slime being flung to who knows where. Not getting to the slime fast enough or letting the slime hang until Jax shakes brings on a whole new scenario. If you go for the slime and catch it, it’s a simple face wipe (his) with the towel and all is well. However, if you’re not fast enough and he shakes before you can get it, you have to take cover. I’m talking “cover” as in the same manner as someone yelling four on the golf course; or hearing “heads-up” at a MLB game. You duck your head while lifting your arms and hands up to protect yourself and you always, always close your eyes and mouth! We’re talking about dogs that are 170 pounds. Trust me, they can fling slime farther than a javelin thrower who just won the gold.
Now, if you’re unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity and not know there’s slime going on, you’ll know it as soon as that shake occurs. The problem with this is, you’re totally unprepared; defenseless. You can’t take cover because you’re unknowing. You’ve no idea that a four inch slime is currently flying through the air at rapid speed in your direction; and then you hear it, SPLAT! It might land on your arm, those are the easy ones because at least you know where it is! Unfortunately, Murphy’s Law almost always applies to airborne slime. So, the problem now is that you know it landed but you don’t know where. The only thing you can do now is panic a little because that four inch slime turned to six inches when it flattened out upon landing. You frantically feel your hair, check your pants, and look at your shoulders. Anyone who doesn’t know slime behavior, would think you were fighting with yourself and losing. Your last resort is to ask the person near you if you “got slimed.” If they find it, you have a pretty good chance of them breaking into uncontrollable laughter at your expense. Usually this is because you can’t see that the slime has been smeared while you were playing the “where’d the slime go” game. Or it’s simply because it’s the longest, stickiest slime they’ve seen in a long time or possibly ever. It’s not their fault. Slime can bring on some pretty interesting reactions. For some it’s at the top of their “gross” list; for others it’s no different than a little dog hair. The key is, you’ve got to know where you stand with slime before you’re in the world of a “Gentle Giant.” They aren’t prejudice. They’ll slime one. They’ll slime all.
The bottom line is: Slime happens; and catching the long, gooey slime before it hits the floor, the door, the wall or the person is really a game. A challenging one at that. Like any game, not everyone is good at it or cut out to play. My advice is, if you can’t hang with the big dogs, stay away from our slime zone.
Talk soon & thanks for stopping by!